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Decisions, Decisions

October 24, 2013

(Written Yesterday, Wednesday October 23, 2013)

It has been a weird day. I have a friend who is kinda a hippy. Or at least what I think of as a modern hippy – not a hipster. He’s all about free love, happiness and positivity. I’m usually all about being a counter-weight to all of that. We used to podcast together and before, during and after he would try to pump me full of positive thoughts like a farmer pumps a chicken full of steroids. Yum!

Today I woke up infected by the relative good mood at home lately. Windy had been under my intensive care nearly two weeks THIS MONTH while I was home on FMLA. It was a nightmare. There have been other things too, but the regular kind of things (finance, jobs, life, etc) and I have been falling more and more into where I was a few months ago and it was hard enough climbing out of that hole the first time. But the last couple of days, she has gotten up, made the best and the most of the day and done her best to push through with as little-to-no-bitching as possible, and being stuck with me is enough to give anyone enough to bitch about.

So today I thought what if all those little posts Rooster and the other hippies make about happiness being a choice are right? What if that really is all you have to do? It really is and it is not. Follow me:

Rule numero uno was no bitching on Facebook, and I don’t think I have. Second was don’t bitch at Windy when you talk to her on the phone just because you aren’t bitching on Facebook. I also refused to sit still at work, instead of mulling about, shuffling paper I came in and did what I needed to do. I didn’t let my lack of tools slow me down on my current cross stitch project and I am working on a big post for my previous project. No playing with your phone and checking emails and status updates all day.

For my efforts, my work day flew by despite the fact I am a walking pile of problems and had nothing to “play” with. I am not friendly or outgoing in my day to day life because my brain chemistry is not constant and if I say hello to you today you may think it is an ongoing thing and try to say hi in the halls tomorrow, at which point I will be a different person and either start crying or try to beat you up. I had a coworker approach me from behind and say hi just because she didn’t remember seeing me in a while (which is accurate). I actually did have another coworker say hi in passing in the hall! These people know the rules and they know I am better off alone but for some reason today they wanted to say hi. I stitched in the office lunch room and ended up discussing quilting with my direct supervisor and how great it is that embroidery gives “us” time to think with one of the Ladies of Finance where I work.

But the one that caught me the most of guard was the “Bless You”. I don’t say bless you to hardly anyone. First because it is a religious saying regarding the plague and dates back to 540 a.d.. Also, I sneeze 3-5 times, EVERY time. So bless you obviously doesn’t work. I say it to Windy and my daughters because A: I want my daughters to be nicer people then I am and B: They really are the only three people I care about being blessed, for any reason. And no one but them says it to me. I will look a coworker right in the eyes and say nothing before I say “bless you”. But today I sneezed at my desk and Sharon said bless you. I sneeze all the time and you know when it’s me. And I still got blessed.

As I am writing this I don’t know how the day will end. My teeth and back still hurt, my situations have not changes and per a conversation with Windy this afternoon, it is possible the positive outlook may kill me before the day is over. So I thought I would get this out while the getting was good:

Damn it, Chris. It took longer then realizing Carly wanted me to use a plate but it really is a decision. I will try to make it more.


From → Personal(ity)

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