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Path Of My Own Resistance

December 11, 2012

I have come to except that no matter how much I want to, no matter how hard I try, I am just not able to sit at home i front of the computer and just write anymore. I’m not there, yet. I am writing in pieces…I am thinking in pieces.  I fill in a little here and a little there and hope that it gets the job done. Trying to put yourself back together after a breakdown is harder than I thought it would be. 😉

I have been reading (not read, not finished) The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and I don’t think I have related to a book this much since The Big Book. If I considered myself a painter, or a computer programmer I am sure the book would be just as powerful but as it is written from the perspective of a writer it makes it painfully easier for me to put myself in the “story”. Mr. Pressfield identifies individual “resistances” that we have and allow ourselves to have. It does not matter if the resistance is positive (playing with the kids) or imposed (work), I am guilty of them all. I am guilty of allowing them to block me. I am guilty of reaching a place inside myself and inside this world where I am afraid to write. I am afraid to be myself anymore and even more afraid to put that self out into the world where that self and the world around it can break me down again and I am afraid I won’t be able to pull myself together again. I have become my own resistance.

Maybe I am getting better. I have completed a number of smaller stitch projects and my actually have the guts to write about them. I have written new songs lately, and finally feel the urge to put them into the world. Finally, I have notebooks full of unreleased “blog posts” (I have never been a “journal” person) but this is the first time, in a long time, that I have actually posted twice in…well, twice in an ANYTHING, I think! I need to write. I need to put myself out there. I need to interact with people (preferably online instead of off-). Most of all I need to stop resisting myself.

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From → Personal(ity)

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